


SuperMarvel Crossover: Dude, Where's my Venom?

by sarasaurusrex



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Supernatural, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Marvel Cinematic Universe Fusion, Alternate Universe - Mob, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Avengers Family, Chicago (City), Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Marvel Universe, Multiple Crossovers, New York City, Stan Lee Cameo, Stan Lee Tribute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 02:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16924479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarasaurusrex/pseuds/sarasaurusrex
Summary: When Venom goes missing and Thanos won't answer his phone, Tony Stark calls some unlikely allies to help solve the mystery. The ensuing team up becomes the biggest pain in his ass as everyone has to learn to work together for the greater good.Mobster AU Crossover featuring the Family Business (Chicago), the Avengers Assembly (New York City), and the L.A. Guardians (Los Angeles). Also, Deadpool shows up uninvited.





	SuperMarvel Crossover: Dude, Where's my Venom?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in collaboration with an artist named Ryker for the Supernatural/Marvel Amino crossover event. The only requirements was that it encompassed some sort of Supernatural/Marvel mash up, and that it was (generally) appropriate for all audiences.

            “Chicago, Illinois. A turbulent city of both culture and crime. Far from the hustle and bustle of Michigan Avenue and the jazz filled streets of the North River district, hidden away from the many gleaming, watchful eyes of the Sears Tower, lay the den of the largest crime syndicate you’ve never heard of. Sure, Chicago had its CPD and its Bureau of Detectives, but this crime syndicate had something else. Something special. Something no one else in the world had: a feisty, scrumptious little secretary named Metatron.”

            SHINK

            Metatron pushed the carriage of his typewriter back into place, “Oh-ho-ho… this is getting good.” He chortled. Metatron was a plump faced man with a mop of short, wavy hair and beard, and pearl strung reading glasses. He sat at a dimly lit reception desk overlooking an elevator and one set of large, glass doors. It was raining out that night, and the city of Chicago glowed dimly through the glass. Metatron hadn’t noticed. His fingers punched each key with excitement as he wrote. Until…

            Riiiiing 

            Metatron stopping typing with a woeful sigh. He grabbed the phone and put it to his ear, “Family Business of Chicago, Metatron speaking.” He sang flatly. He proof read his paper as he listened, “Ah, ah. No needs for tricks, Mr. Stark. I’d know that voice of yours anywhere. Mr. Shurley isn’t in at the moment… Yes I know I’ve said that for years… well!” He sputtered, “Because it’s true!” He groaned, “Fine, fine. I’ll tell the men up stairs about your ‘emergency’.” He made air quotes. He reached as far as his arm allowed him and pushed a button on the switchboard across the desk, “One moment please. Your call is very important to us.” He rolled his eyes.

            Riiiing

            Riiiing

            Riiiing

            “Hello. You’ve reached the Family Business. You cop em we chop em. This is Lucifer speaking. Oh, it’s you, Metatron. What do you want?”

            “A Mr. Stark for you, sir.” He muttered, barely faking a professional tone as he returned to his prose, “He said there was an emergency in New York City and that he needed… say, is everything alright up there?” Metatron stopped reading and listened. It sounded as if someone was fighting Lucifer for the phone.

            “No… hey! Would you… stop it! I’m _Lucifer_! That means I’m second...”

            “Only to garbage, love.” A low, gravelly voice had taken over the receiver with difficulty, “Metatron, be a dear and send Mr. Stark through.”

            “Whatever you say, Mr. Crowley.” Metatron hummed. He transferred the call and hung up unceremoniously. No wonder nothing ever got done around here. Metatron straightened up in his chair and resumed writing.

 

            The top of the Family Business building had descended into chaos in the last few seconds.  People scrambled out of Chuck Shurley’s office as Lucifer and Crowley rolled around on the floor cat-fighting. The receiver lay abandoned just out of reach of Lucifer, who was being choked by Crowley’s thick arm.

            A muffled, “Hello? Hello! Chuck Shurley!” was coming from the receiver.

            Only one mobster had remained to wait out the scuffle. Tall and well groomed, he walked up to the pair of them and scooped up the phone.

            “… Chuck is busy at the moment.” He sighed, “This is Sam Winchester. How may I help you?”

            “Sam Winchester, eh?” Came a smart voice from the other end, “My name is Tony Stark. Where is Chuck Shurley? I thought he ran your organization.”

            “Honestly, Mr. Stark. If you need our help, I’m the one you want to talk to.” He covered the receiver for a moment as Crowley swore loudly. Lucifer had broken a potted plant over his head. Sam made a mental note to have Metatron downstairs pick up something to replace it.

            “I see.” Mr. Stark considered this. Then, “Alright then, Sam. Listen carefully.”

            Sam reached over and put him on speaker. He set the phone down and cleared his throat loudly, “Go ahead, Mr. Stark.”

            Lucifer and Crowley stopped fighting and looked between Sam and the phone.

            “I know we haven’t been the closest of business partners...

            “We’re rivals, darling. Don’t insult me.”

            “Ah, Mr. Crowley. Well, I’ll skip right to the point, then. One of our own has gone missing. We suspect Thanos is involved. Our organization, no, our city, may be in danger.”

            “So dramatic.” Lucifer mumbled to Crowley.

            “Thank you, Satan.” Mr. Stark said sharply.

            “Hey!”

            “There’s no way of saying this that won’t make me want to gag myself, but...” There was a long, pained pause, “We could use your help.”

            “Uh-huh.” Lucifer sat up, “And, um, why exactly should we help you?”

            “Oh, by all means, don’t. We’ll just sit back and watch Thanos’s crime syndacate run New York City into the ground, causing a mass upheaval in the global market. Stocks will fall, Chicago will crumble, it’ll be great. Can’t wait.”

            “We’ll help you.” Sam spoke over Lucifer and Crowley’s rude mutterings.

            “Thank you, Mr. Winchester.”

            “Of course. Now, what can you tell me about your agent that’s gone missing?”

            “Well.” Mr Stark began, “His name is Eddie Brock.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

            Edward Charles Allen Brock, or Eddie as his friends called him, wasn’t missing at all. In fact, he knew exactly where he was. And that place was following the most interesting man he’d ever met. Well, they hadn’t actually met yet. But once Eddie saw this person take down three criminals after getting jumped in an alley, Eddie knew they needed to meet.

            See, Eddie was very good at following people. So he crept after this mischievous-faced, short, attractive, but short man for a while. He could’ve sworn he was in New Jersey before the man finally stopped and turned down an alley.

            Eddie watched from around the corner as the man checked his surrounding for interlopers (a voice cackled gleefully in Eddie’s ear), then went through a back door. Eddie had no idea where he was or where that door led, but it didn’t matter. He crept through the vacant alley and stalked up to the door, then pressed his ear against it to listen.

            “Hey, big fella.”

            Eddie felt someone tap on his shoulder.

            (“Uh-oh” came the voice in his ear.)

            Eddie turned in time to get clocked in the face by the short man. Despite Eddie’s broad size, the back of his head hit the metal door and he fell on his ass. He slumped on the wet ground, holding his head with a low groan.

            “Why are you following me? Huh? Talk!” The man demanded. He had a long shotgun pointed at Eddie’s face.

            Eddie looked up roguishly. He spat blood out of his mouth and smiled, “ _Oh_. We like you.”

            The man raised a brow.

            “We… I am mean, my name is Eddie. I mean you no harm. I swear.” He began, “I just, I saw you back in Manhattan and...” His lips trembled, as if he was trying to stop himself from throwing up, “We liked the way you hurt those people.”

            The man paused. He took a breath, then paused again, “Great. My stalker is a nut job.” He muttered behind his gun.

            “No! No, I’m not.” Eddie coughed.

            “Uh-huh.” The man used the barrel of his gun to scoot Eddie to the side, then he bent down and took a wallet out of the nut job’s pocket. He flicked through it, checking his ID.

            “No, listen. I saw you take down those thugs.” Eddie watched him hungrily, “I know they weren’t good guys, alright? I don’t blame you.” He said carefully, “But I think you’ve got a bit of dark side, huh?” He pointed at him, smiling again, “Yeah, I can see it. So… I… _I_ wanted to know...” He took another deep, self-controlled breath.

            The man stared at him closely.

            It looked like he was fighting for every word, “Can you teach us how to be good?”

            The man’s jaw slackened. He blinked, “Brother. You are barking up the _wrong_ tree.”

            Eddie’s face fell, “But…!”

            The man sighed heavily and lowered his shotgun. He threw the wallet back into Eddie’s lap and began walking towards the street.

            “Wait!” Eddie was at the man’s side with surprising speed, “But you took down three men. Big men! Well, two of them were big. But you took em out without even taking off your hat!” He kept up with the man, even though his strides were much bigger.

            “Those Norwegian jackasses? Pfft. They were nothing.” The man kept walking.

            “Look, I know you don’t know me, but I’ve been recruited for this… don’t talk about it, Eddie… I’m not, jeez...”

            The man huffed.

            “This… sports team.”

            “I’ll bet.”

            “But I can’t keep up with them, man. I can’t do it. There’s something inside of me that wants me to be evil.” He suddenly grabbed the man by the coat collar. The man stopped abruptly, “Do you know what that’s like? I’ve been running my whole life, and I’m tired of it! I’m tired of messing things up. I can’t mess this up, too.”

            “Aw...” The man cooed sarcastically.

            “And I think…” Eddie went on, “We know you can help.”

            The man stared at Eddie inscrutably. He was much shorter than Eddie, but he had the presence of a man three times his size, “You followed me, all the way here?” He brushed off Eddie’s hands.

            “Yeah?”

            The man looked impressed, “All right.” He took a breath, glancing around, “Let’s get one thing straight. I know who you are. You work for that mob in New York City. Stark’s gang. I think you ought to know that I work for your rivals in Chicago.”

            Eddie nodded.

            “So your ‘sports team’?” The man went on, “They won’t like this.”

            Eddie deflated a bit. His expression was stony.

            The man sighed, “But… I get it, kid. You don’t fit in. Clearly.” This seemed to resonate with the man. He gave Eddie a rare, sympathetic look, then leaned in, “So here’s what we’re gunna do. We’re gunna go into this fine establishment over here, and we’re gunna hash it out. Talk it through. I’ll give you some advice, then I’m going to go back to Chicago. You’re going to forget I was ever here. And we’re both going to move on with our lives? Kapeesh?”

            Eddie grinned, “You’re an angel!”

            The man grinned back, offering Eddie his hand, “No. I’m Gabriel.”

 

 

     

* * *

 

 

 

            The next morning, Tony Stark flew the Family Business of Chicago to New York City on his private jet. Not everyone was keen on the idea, however. Sam Winchester’s brother and fellow field agent, Dean Winchester, had to be forced at gun point onto the jet by their other field agent, Castiel from Little Italy. Lucifer stood there the whole time muttering about how he could buy ten jet planes if he wanted.

            After two extremely stressful hours in which Sam explained to Jack and Castiel how planes flew and Dean kept making trips to the lavatory, they landed on top of Stark Tower. They were greeted by men wearing Stark company uniforms.

            “See? _They_ have matching shirts.” Lucifer hissed in Sam’s ear. Sam brushed him off.

            The men led them into the sleek, modern stairwell where Tony Stark was waiting for them.

            “Good morning, gentleman.” He looked them over once they were all inside, “Welcome to...”

            “Nope.” Dean Winchester plowed his way through the group and walked right past Tony, looking green, “I need a drink. Now.” He muttered, descending the stairs two at a time.

            Sam and Tony exchanged exasperated looks.

            “Welcome to…Stark Tower.” Tony finished.

 

            While Crowley and Castiel argued with each other about who was supposed to be keeping Dean in check, Tony filled them in on the situation as they descended the stairs.

            Dean was a flight ahead of them, “Come on!”

            Tony ignored him, “As you may or may not remember, Thanos is capable of extreme brutality and destruction.”

            Lucifer wiped dust off of the railing with his finger as he walked, examining it haughtily.

            “So I greatly _appreciate,_ ” Tony glared at him, “your decision to join forces.”

            “Right.” Sam agreed, “So are we prepping with the rest of your team or…?”

            “Samantha, darling.” Crowley cut him off, “Let the grownups sort this one out, hm? Mr. Stark.” He puffed himself up, “Are we prepping with the rest of your team, or what?”

            Dean snorted from a flight below.

            “Yes.” Tony said stiffly, “Right through this door.” He stopped them on the seventh floor landing and took out his key card, “Mr. Winchester, you’re walking into the rec room.” Tony advised Dean as he tried to open a door below them.

            Dean opened the door anyway, but he didn’t see a rec room. Instead, he was face to face with a green skinned woman. At least, she looked green. Her skin was actually covered in intricate green tattoos.

            Dean blinked.

           “Ah, Gamora. Welcome.” Tony called down from the seventh floor, “If you’ll bring your team up here, please, we can get started.”

            Dean stared at her. Then, despite himself, he stared down.

            Gamora slapped him.

            The sound echoed through the stairwell, followed by muffled laughter.

            Gamora stepped around Dean, a smaller group of people behind her.

            “Oh I’m gunna throw up.” Dean mumbled to the floor.

 

            Tony, the Family Business, and the third, heavily tattooed gang all managed to file through the seventh floor door and into a wide hallway.

            “Dude.” Dean muttered to Sam, “I think we’re being followed by a raccoon.”

            “Yeah right, Dean. Would you shut up and behave?”

            “No way.” Dean looked offended, “You’re lucky I didn’t pull a Gabriel and not even show.” He kept glancing behind him at Rocket and Groot, “Dude, seriously, look.”

            Gamora shushed him.

            Dean made a sarcastic face at her.

            “Don’t mind her.” A man caught up to him and walked by his side, “The name’s Star Lord. And these are the ‘Star Lordequettes.” He shook his hand, taking Dean by surprise. He had a kind, slightly cocky face, and was the most normal looking of the bunch.

            “Actually, his name’s Peter.” Gamora spoke over him, “And we are _not_ called...”

            “Thirsty?” Peter aka Star Lord grinned, stealthily offering Dean a flask.

            “Oh Hell yes.” Dean took it, “You’re my new brother.”

            Star Lord looked victoriously back at Gamora.

            Gamora and Sam both rolled their eyes.

 

            Tony led them through a tall pair of double doors and into a room full of people. It was a circular, paneled room filled with display screens in the middle and groups of platforms to sit on. People’s conversations quieted as everyone began to gather.

            Dean followed Sam and the rest of the Family Business to a spot by the door, while Star Lord led the ‘Star Lordequettes’ to a spot opposite them. When Rocket passed them, Sam paled. Dean nudged him in the ribs.

            Jack looked amazed, “You told me Pokemon weren’t real.” He whispered urgently to Castiel.

            “They’re not… just, wait until after the meeting.” He muttered.

            “Alright. Quiet please. Quiet down.” Tony took the spot in the middle and silence fell. Everyone’s eyes were on him. The third group of people already in the prep room must have been Tony’s crew: the rival gang of the Family Business.

            Tony looked from group to group, “Thank you all for being here. I know this is short notice, but New York City has a serious crisis on its hands that could easily become an epidemic, infecting all of your cities.” He explained, “So let’s get introductions out of the way and then we’ll talk tactics.”

            “From Chicago, we have the Family Business. Led by...”

            “Me. It’s me.” Lucifer spoke up.

            “The Bloody Hell it is...” Crowley stood up.

            “...Chuck Shurley.” Tony glared at them, “Who couldn’t make it today. But in his place we have Sam Winchester, lead strategist. Mr. Castiel and Mr. Dean Winchester, lead field agents and weapons experts. Mr. Crowley and Mr. Lucifer, I honestly don’t know what they do...”

            “Hey!” They said in unison.

            “...Jack Kline, their operative in training.”

            “Oh, I’m their medic now, too.” Jack said pleasantly, tapping a red cross symbol he’d safety pinned to his vest, “Well, pre-med, but I...”

            “...And Mr. Bobby Singer, senior field agent.”

            “Don’t call me senior, son.” Bobby grumbled.

            “Right.” Tony cleared his throat, “Moving on. Next we have the...”

            “Star Lord and the Star Lordquettes!” Star Lord yelled as one word, “I called it.” He looked around anxiously.

            Tony was looking tense, “I’m going to need you all to stop interrupting me.”

            “...sorry.”

            “We have the… L.A. Guardians.”

            “Aw, man!” Star Lord fell back in his seat dramatically.

            “Led by, and I have no idea why, Peter Quill, aka Star Lord. The (much more competent) members of his team are Ms. Gamora and Mr. Drax, lead field agents. Rocket, weapons specialist. And Groot… is he just a mascot or...”

            “I am Groot.”

            “Right. Thanks.” Tony turned to his own team, giving them a grateful look, “Lastly, we have the Avengers Assembly.” He said importantly.

            “Dumb. Name.” Lucifer coughed.

            Star Lord laughed.

            “Yet you call yourself Lucifer!” Came a booming voice.

            “Thank you, Thor.” Tony said.

            “Hey, I’ve worked with your dad, alright kid? Don’t make me call him.” Lucifer threatened.

            Thor looked unsettled.

            “Moving on!” Tony shouted, “The Avengers Assembly. Led by myself, Tony Stark. Weapons specialist. Bruce Banner and Mr. Thor are my lead field agents. Steven Rogers, captain of communications and strategy. Natasha Romanoff, foreign affairs. Dr. Stephen Strange...”

            “Oh, they have a doctor!” Jack blurted. He looked around, “Sorry...”

            “...Doctor of field science and engineering.”

            Jack deflated.

            “And our own recruit in training, Peter Parker.

            The youngest one in the group gave Jack a small wave. Jack smiled and waved back.

            “Alright. Now that we all know each other, it’s time to discuss the matter at hand.” Tony said at last, “As you all know, we’ve lost contact with a member of our own: Eddie Brock, aka Venom. His last known location had reported gang activity that we believe was tied to Thanos. Thanos will not respond to any communications so we must assume this means peaceful negotiations are not an option. Therefore, I propose...” Tony stopped, his eyes fixed on Lucifer. Slowly, everyone in the room turned their heads to look at him.

            Sam sighed.

            Lucifer was raising his hand patiently.

            “Yes? Satan?” Tony raised his eyebrows at him.

           Lucifer lowered his hand in mock offensive, “Okay. First of all. Rude. Second. Has anyone, oh I don’t know, trying going to his house? Maybe bringing a fruit basket?”

            “The Lord of Darkness proposes non-violence?” Thor’s voice echoed from across the room. A few other voices broke out in whispers.

            “Me? Oh no, please. Kill the dickwad. Violence all the way. Yay violence! Oh, and keep calling me Lord, that’s really good.” Lucifer said, “What I mean to say is… has anyone actually checked that he’s _home_? You know, around? That he’s aware that this ‘Venom’ guy even exists?” Lucifer looked around encouragingly, “Or did you just send a quick text and now we’re at war?”

            Tony looked exhausted, “Of course we tried finding them. That’s why you’re all here.”

            “Oh...” Lucifer grimaced, “He left you on _seen_ , huh?”

            Tony gave him a patronizing smile, “I think you’re confused, it’s your organization that shoots first and asks questions later.”

            “Hey. I stand by that strategy.” Dean took a swig from his flask.

            “Where… who gave him a flask?” Tony looked around.

            Star Lord’s entire team stared at him. He shrunk down sheepishly.

            Tony sighed, “Alright. You know what? Here.” Tony pressed a button on his wrist watch and one of the display screens in the middle of the room lit up. It was a map of New York, “We’re going to split up into teams, search New York, find Venom, kill Thanos, and that’s it. Everyone happy?”

            The Avengers Assemble was silent.

            “Good plan.” Came Drax’s voice.

            “Here, here.” Belched Dean.

            Tony nodded, “Alright. I’m assigning teams. We’ll need a combination of all of our resources and experience to do this. You’ll each take different parts of the city. We’ll communicate using these.” Tony passed Steve a box to pass around, then flashed the wrist watch on his arm.

            “Oh come on.” Lucifer moaned, “That’s so gay.”

            “It really is.” Crowley agreed.

            Tony pointed aggressively at Lucifer, who quickly covered his lips with a finger.

            “Alright, the teams are as follows...” Tony bellowed, “Dean Winchester and Mr. Castiel, you’re with...”

            “Oh! I call them.” Star Lord stood up.

            Gamora glared at him.

            “...the L.A. Guardians.” Tony continued on despite him.

            “Yes!”

            Dean shrugged in approval. He patted Sam on the shoulder then walked over with Castiel. Gamora glared at them, too. Castiel stared curiously at Rocket and Groot, then back to a jealous looking Jack.

            “I am Groot.” Groot greeted him.

            Castiel stared, “I am. Cas.”

            Tony blinked, “I realize now that assignment was a huge mistake but… moving on! Bobby Singer and Jack Kline, you’ll be with Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, Dr. Strange, and Peter Parker.

            “Awesome!” Jack beamed. He waited for Bobby then walked over to the Avengers Assembly with him. He sat down by Peter and they shook hands.

            Bobby passed Dr. Strange, “Nice goatee, _doc_.” then stood by Steve.

            “Good, good.” Tony nodded, “Then we have myself, Sam Winchester...”

            Sam hung his head, “Oh god...”

           “Mr. Lucifer. Mr. Crowley.” Tony avoided eye contact with the trio, “Mr. Thor and Natasha Romanoff. If Mr. Loki decides to join us he’ll be on my team.”

            Sam got up to stand by Tony. Crowley and Lucifer didn’t move, except to scoot away from either other in Sam’s absence. Sam nodded to Natasha and said politely, “Privet.”

            Natasha smiled back.

            Sam and Thor happened to sweep their hair back at the same time, causing Dean to shake his head in the background.

            “Now.” Tony resumed, “Your assigned areas are on the screen. Members of the Avengers Assembly will show you all to our _spare_ weapons room...”

            “Ooh, someone has a _spare_ weapons room.” Crowley muttered under his breath.

            Lucifer chuckled.

            “I will escort the L.A. Guardians, Mr. Dean, and Mr. Castiel myself.” Tony glanced at them. Dean and Star Lord quickly hid the flask, attempting to look innocent. Rocket grinned.

            “Now, let’s all head ou...”

            But Tony was once again interrupted, this time by the door. It swung open to reveal a muscular man dressed head to toe in red and black leather running into the room. He was being chased by an elderly male secretary wearing sunglasses.

            “Now hold up!” The man hollered, skidding to a halt in front of the teams.

            Everyone in the room turned to look at him. The Family Business clearly had no idea who this man once, but everyone else in the room where giving him deadly looks.

            “You guys forgot about me.” Wade Wilson informed them nonchalantly, “But it’s no problem!” He cut Tony off, “I’ll take Parker’s group. Yo! Parker!”

            Peter shrunk down, mortified. Jack patted his shoulder sympathetically.

            “I’m sorry.” The elderly man panted, clutching his chest, “So sorry, Mr. Stark. This _weirdo_ just ran in here and... I tried to stop him...”

            “Don’t worry about it, Mr. Lee. You can go.” Tony said, “Right. Well.” Tony was already far too frustrated with the whole situation to care about one more obnoxious teammate, “Steve? Mr. Singer?” He looked at them tragically, “Wilson’s with you. Keep him out of trouble, alright?”

            Bobby didn’t need to have met this Mr. Wilson to know he was a piece of work. He exchanged a mutual glance with Steve.

            “Howdy ,team.” Mr. Wilson strode over to Peter. He patted Bobby on the shoulder, “What’s up old timer?”

            Bobby grabbed Wilson’s hand and put him in a back armlock.

            “Owie!” Wilson sunk to his knees.

            “Touch me again and it’s coming off.” Bobby growled. He let Wilson go after several, grueling seconds in which Sam and Dean laughed and everyone, especially Tony, looked impressed, “Old timer my left tes...”

            “Alright.” Tony said at last, “Find Thanos. Bring home Venom. Disassemble!”

            “Go team!” Lucifer added.

 

                      

* * *

 

             

 

            Gabriel and Eddie left the streets of New Jersey for the dimly lit, smoky establishment that Gabriel had promised would serve as their secret meeting place. This fine establishment was called ‘Jazzy Bodies’, and it happened to be a strip club.

            “No better place to hide in place sight, wouldn’t you say?” Gabriel chuckled.

            Eddie looked hesitant, but the voice in his ear was whispering words of encouragement.

            ‘This ought to scare him off.’ Gabriel thought.

            A bouncer stopped them for identification, but was interrupted by his fellow.

            “That’s Gabriel, ya nincompoop.”

            “Right, right. Go on in you two.”

            Eddie followed Gabriel like a huge, timid shadow into the blaring strip club. Gabriel was in a stylish double-breasted, black trenchcoat, and Eddie in a leather jacket. They sat down at a booth that was lower than the platforms the girls were dancing on and Gabriel ordered them drinks.

            “So, Eddie.” He leaned forward at last.

            Eddie’s hearts were pounding.

            “Can I be honest with you?” He asked, sipping a mojito, “You don’t seem like one of the good guys. Why do you want to be like them?”

            Eddie played with his beer. His head was clear for once as he thought about it, “I’ve been given a gift.” He said, “I’m strong, resourceful, intelligent. Sometimes.” He smiled weakly, “And I’ve got a voice in my head that tells me how to murder people and get away with it. I’m just trying to do something with it.”

            Gabriel nodded, “Fair enough. The voice that tells _me_ those things is my brother.” He took another sip, “Look, I don’t know if you should try and… go Hero, as the kids say. Maybe settle for an Anti-hero position, like me. Save a few people here, murder a few there, work for the _greater_ good. You know?”

            “Yeah.” Eddie thought about it.

            “Cuz, honestly, kid? You’re chaotic neutral at best.” He winked at him.

            Eddie looked okay with this. The voice in his head was satisfied anyway, “So you’re saying I can still be good, even if I do bad things?”

            “Absolutely.”

            “Well hello there.” A well dressed, British man slipped into the booth beside Eddie, ignoring Eddie’s look of confusion.

            “Balthazar.” Gabriel grinned, “Long time no see.”

            “I know, right?” He said, glancing around suspiciously.

            “What brings you guys to this side of the pond?”

            “Oh, you know Ketch. He likes going after big fish. But between you and me he’s just an arseho...”

            “Uh.” Eddie stared at him, “Who are you?”

            “Oh, where are my manners?” He shook Eddie’s hand firmly, “They call me Balthazar. Not my real name of course, but you know how that goes.”

            A busty woman came to get his order, but Balthazar turned her away, “Gabriel.” He leaned in and said in a hushed voice, “I only came here tonight because… you’re being followed. You do know that, don’t you?”

            Eddie looked anxious again, but Gabriel kept stirring the mint leaves in his drink.

            “By the way what exactly are you doing with this… fine, upstanding civilian?” Balthazar recovered quickly.

            “Oh, I’m teaching him how to be good.” Gabriel said nonchalantly.

            “Chaotic neutral.” Eddie corrected him, making Gabriel smirk.

            “Ah.” Balthazar started, “Between you and me, friend,” He leaned over to Eddie, “you might want to aim higher on the role models list.”

            “That’s what I told him.” Gabriel huffed.

            “Wait, you said someone’s following us?” Eddie looked around.

            “Yes.” Balthazar went on, “Tall fellow, slicked back hair, funny looking nose, quite good-looking, actually.”

            Gabriel sighed knowingly, “Right.” He knew what this meant. It was only a matter of time after he killed three of his children back in Queens.

            “So let’s go…” Balthazar glanced around, “Take care of it.” He tilted his head dangerously.

            Eddie looked between Gabriel and Balthazar, “Yeah!” He said, making the other two men jump, “This is what you’re talking about right? Saving people here, murdering some there. Let’s go be Anti-heroes.” He grinned.

            Balthazar lifted a brow, “I like him.” He said, “What do you say?”

            Gabriel finished his mojito with relish, “Let’s go.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

            The L.A. Guardians were the first to leave Stark Tower. Dean, Castiel, Star Lord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and Groot all seemed eager to get going and didn’t bother with any of the gear (except for the wrist watches) from Tony Stark’s weapons room. In fact, only Drax and Castiel were even wearing theirs. The rest of the watches were all dangling off of Groot’s body as he waved and jingled happily.

            “Alright.” Tony’s voice spoke out of the watches. Groot looked at all five Tonys, “You’ve been assigned to Brooklyn.

            “Damn straight.” Dean said out of the corner of his mouth. The only reason their team got Manhattan was because Dean outright refused to go back on the jet.

            “You have twenty four hours before we rendezvous back at the Tower.”

            “Got it.” Rocket growled into one of Groot’s watches.

            “Cas… the opossum's talking.” Dean said out of the corner of his mouth.

            Rocket snarled at him.

 

            Their team scoured Brooklyn from the shadows, checking every back-alley, seedy night club, and known meeting place for Thanos’s gang. They ran into a few scattered members but none of them even knew who Venom was. They had dinner at a dumpy food truck that Star Lord swore had the best chili dogs. Dean had five of them before admitting that New York City’s hotdogs were ‘alright’.

            Overall, the team was stumped. It was almost nightfall. Finally, Rocket proposed an idea. If Dean and Cas were onboard, Rocket knew a guy in lower Manhattan who had an agent in Thanos’s inner circle. Dean had no qualms about this approach whatsoever, despite the fact that it was coming from a raccoon, so they headed south.

            They arrived at a rundown warehouse on Water Street, overlooking the East River, but the meetup turned out to be a trap. Shots were fired the moment Rocket stepped foot into the warehouse. Dean scruffed him to get him out of harm’s way, but Rocket had already been shot in the leg.

            “You know a guy, huh?” Dean shouted.

“Shut up and shoot!” Rocket snarled in pain.

 

            They were being shot at from the docks just outside the building. The setting sun made it impossible to see who was firing. Two more men were closing in from around the warehouse. Dean, Castiel, and the Guardians were surrounded.

            Drax and Castiel pulled out shotguns and stood back to back protecting Dean and Rocket. They fired repeatedly at the docks, hoping to hit something. Gamora disappeared and took out one of the men approaching from around the warehouse, while Star Lord covered the other. With a yell, Star Lord lunged and kicked him in the face with his boot. The man stumbled and Star Lord shot him in the face. Gamora slit the other man’s throat. At last, Dean had picked up Rocket and put him on his shoulders with much difficultly (“Did you just bite me?”), then pulled out his pistols and started firing.

            Realizing this was a fantastic vantage point, Rocket yanked a shotgun off of Dean’s back and began firing from atop him. One of the men on the docks fell in the water, so Dean and Rocket unanimously ambushed the last man.  Star Lord whooped. Rocket shot him in the gut and Dean punched him in the face. The man fell, and Dean caught him before he hit the water. Within seconds the whole gang was on him.

         

            With some excellent interrogation skills from Castiel and Gamora, the men revealed that Thanos himself was…

            “Missing?” Star Lord kept repeating as he dragged the rest of the bodies to the water, “Damnit. How is _he_ missing, too? Somebody should start putting up fliers.”

            Nobody answered him. Their only hope was to report the news to the others. Groot’s five watches had made excellent, but flimsy, shields, so only Drax and Castiel were talking to Tony.

            “That’s right.” Castiel said, “He said Thanos is also missing.”

            “But...” Drax pulled Castiel aside while Tony watched, concerned, “The man also said he would tell us the truth when pigs flew, and I do not see any flying pigs.”

            “Me neither.” Castiel conceded, “This is quite the predicament.”

            Drax nodded gravely. In the background, Star Lord heaved a body into water with a loud grunt and a splash.

            “Perhaps we should find some pigs and consult them.”

            “There’s a slaughterhouse a few blocks Eas...”

            “Guys! Hey! Woohoo, back to me.” Tony recaptured their attention, “Did he say anything else, like where Thanos might have gone?”

            They both shook their heads.

 

            Dean and Gamora were tending to Rocket’s leg while Star Lord did a live replay of the fight. Dean chucked when Star Lord got to the part about Dean and Rocket double teaming the last man.   

            “I love this dog!” Dean beamed.

            “I am _not_ a dog.” Rocket turned.

            “Well technically.” Castiel interjected quietly, “Raccoons are part of the canine family.”

            “Castiel!” Tony’s voice shouted out of he watch. Castiel turned back around.

            “That guy a robot or something?” Rocket asked Dean.

            Dean chuckled, “No. He was a spy for a long time before we got him to join our organization. You could say his people skills are rusty.” He looked Rocker over, then asked with as much tact as he could muster, “What about you? What’s your story?”

            Gamora looked at them both.

            “Oh, you know. Born in a lab, killed the mad scientist, got picked up by these freaks.” He smiled.

            “So... it’s some weird sci-fi shit?” Dean summarized.

            “Yup.”

            Dean shrugged, “Well, I’ve seen weirder. What about your buddy there? ‘I am Groot.’” He mimicked him.

            “Oh him?” Rocket glanced at Groot who was hi-fiving Star Lord, “He’s an alien.” Rocket said shortly, “Yup, aliens exist. But you didn’t hear it from me.”

            Dean huffed, “Course not. I’ll just tell everyone I see that aliens exist. I know because a talking raccoon told me.”

            Rocket laughed darkly.

 

* * *

 

 

            Tony Stark had flown the other two teams to their respective areas. They’d both stocked up on weapons from the Avengers Assembly’s weapons room. Wade Wilson tried to carry a bazooka out of there, and he almost got away with it if it weren’t for Jack and Peter. Peter convinced Jack to try his favorite kind of gun: a small one that shot sticky threads to cripple people. Thor tried to tell him that the electrocuting blackjacks were the best. Sam was interested in some of Tony’s and Dr. Strange’s experimental weaponry, while the rest of them stuck to their favorites.

            On the jet, Lucifer almost had Wade convinced that the suit he was wearing had a hidden parachute and he could jump out of the jet at any time. Surprisingly, it was Peter that prevented him from actually doing it. Crowley seemed especially disappointed.

            “So who’s this Loki guy?” Lucifer asked out of boredom.

            “He is my little brother.” Thor answered.

            “Uh-huh.” Lucifer didn’t care.

            “I heard about _your_ brother.” Tony said, “Michael, right? Back in jail?”

            Lucifer shrugged, “What can I say? He’s not as good as breaking out as I am.” He winked at Sam.

            Sam rolled his eyes and kept talking to Natasha and Dr. Strange.

            The teams split up over Brooklyn and Queens. Staten Island and The Bronx had already been searched over the previous day by the Avengers Assembly.

 

            Bobby, Steve, Bruce, Dr. Strange, Wade, Peter and Jack got off first in Queens. Peter knew the area so he helped them figure out where to go. For a while, they had about as much luck as the L.A. Guardians. Nothing but scattered thugs and not a whole lot of leads. At one point Bruce got so frustrated he punched a brick building with his brass knuckles, causing a huge crack. 

            Jack gaped at him, “Woah. Show me how to do that.”

            Bruce shrunk down sheepishly. He showed him his custom brass-knuckle gloves as they walked, telling him how Tony made them.

            “They’re so… green.” Jack beamed, trying them on.

            It was Doctor Strange who stopped them. He’d been chatting with Peter about Peter’s chemistry homework (Wade was kicking his feet ahead of them in boredom), when the Doctor noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Blood.

            It was a long shot, but the team stopped and set up a look out while Dr. Strange took a sample of the blood and attempted to analyze it with his kit. Peter and Jack were having fun explaining it to Bruce.

            “It’s called Restriction Fragment Length Polymorphism.” Peter said.

            “See, there’s DNA in blood, and this test tells you the unique structure of a person’s DNA using their blood!” Jack said.

            “We have a register of everyone’s blood that we can compare it to, and see if we get a match.”

            “That’s so cool.” Jack said to Peter.

            Bruce had no idea what these kids were talking about, but he liked them enough to listen anyway.

            “Hey, Peter! And Jack!” Wade was calling them from down the alley.

            Wade had been trying to get them to dare him to do stuff for the past hour. The dares were usually made by Peter, and were nothing bigger than, “Lick that lamppost.” and, “Go pet that pigeon.” which Wade always did, to Peter and Jack’s disgust and amazement. This time, Jack dared him; Partly because he wanted him to shut up, and partly because he thought Wade was funny. He dared him to climb a fire escape and swan dive into a dumpster. He honestly didn’t think Wade would do it, but then Wade started climbing the fire escape.

            “W… wait!”

            “He’ll be fine.” Peter assured him, folding his arms to watch, “Trust me. He’s like a cat.”

            “Ah.” Jack muttered in understanding, “He always lands on all fours.” Peter gave him an odd look, so Jack went on, “It’s what Dean always says.”

            “Woohoo!” Wade had jumped. He landed perfectly in the dumpster, but the impact caused the whole thing to teeter on its feet and crash back down, creating a loud bang that echoed through the streets of Queens.

            Peter and Jack both turned to each other, wide eyed.

            “Oh shit.”

            “Hey! What do you little hooligans think you’re doing?” Bobby came running from his look out post, “You wanna wake up the whole neighborhood?” He hissed.

            “Sorry, sir!” They grumbled in unison.

            “Hey! Guys! Anybody need ammo?” Wade’s voice rang from inside the dumpster, “I found some ammo.”

            “You what?” Bobby turned to the talking dumpster. Steve and Bruce were coming over, too.

            “Yeah. There’s ammo in these guns.”

            “There are guns?” Steve asked.

            “Yup. Right here on these dead people.” Wade said, then mumbled to himself, “Guess they didn’t know how to use em.”

            “That’s… disgusting.” Bruce looked away.

            Bobby growled, “Get out of there ya idget! Show some respect!”

            Wade hopped out of the dumpster, “Why?” He leaned on Peter’s shoulder as he flicked through the dead mens’ wallets, “They were spies if you ask me. Foreigners. One of your guys must have gotten to them first.” He said to Steve.

            Peter pushed Wade off of him, “Ugh, you smell like dead people.”

            “Thanks. It’s my new cologne.” Wade let Steve take the wallets from him.

            Steve examined them carefully, “These belong to that gang back in Scandinavia. I think.” Steve said, “But who took them out?” He looked to Bobby who was now investigating the dumpster, “Not one of ours. We would’ve known about it.”

            Bobby sighed, “I think I know who did it. One of our guys had a beef with that gang a while back.”

            Wade was pretending he didn’t know he had a banana peel on his head.

            Dr. Strange joined them with the analysis from the blood, “I got a hit.” He said, “The blood matches someone in the data base, but it says he’s from Chicago. Do you know this man?”

            Everyone crowded in to a see the mug shot.

            “Balls.” Bobby swore, “That’s our guy. That’s Gabriel.”

 

 

* * *

 

           

            Tony, Sam, Lucifer, Crowley, Thor, and Natasha landed in Brooklyn last. Brooklyn was home to quite a few gangs, so they had to be careful. Crowley, on the other hand, was treating it like a guided tour and kept pointing out interesting spots.

            “Oh, and this is where Johnny Spikes stabbed Peter Chives from the Kings of Hearts gang in ‘97. Oh my, is that where the Sylviannis Crime Family always ordered their pizza? Sam, look at this. The very corner where that skank from the Brooklyn Brothers blew m...”

            “Okay! Okay.” Sam cleared his throat.

            “I was going to say... blew Maurice aka Pinhead away with a Glock 19. Very hard to aim straight with those. Kind of like my last girlfr...”

            “Crowley?” Tony interrupted him, “Will you please shut up?”

            Crowley ignored him and whispered to Sam, “I love it when he gets all _dominant_.”

            “So Sam.” Tony hung back to chat, making Crowley grumble away to join the rest of the team ahead, “I expect you can’t tell me, family secrets and all that, but, where _is_ Chuck Shurley? Last I heard, he hasn’t been in the business for six, maybe seven years.”

            “No idea.” Sam said, “My brother and I have been looking for him since we joined up.”

            “How do you run such a tight operation without him?”

            “It not tight. At all.” Sam answered honestly.

            Crowley turned and gave him a wry look.

            Sam took a steadying breath, “We deal with a lot of crap on a daily basis. Hell, almost all of us have been to prison. But, we’re not as… uh, media focused as you are. We try to save Chicago without anyone knowing it was in trouble to begin with. That’s why most of us have fake names. Crowley, Lucifer, Castiel...”

            “That’s a difficult way to do it.”

            “Yeah.” Tony looked at Crowley and Lucifer arguing ahead, “What about them? I can’t imagine they’re very effective leaders.”

            “Well, Lucifer’s more like a devil on your shoulder.” Sam sighed.

            Tony looked surprised, “What does that make Crowley? Don’t tell me he’s your angel.”

            Sam laughed, “No, no way. They’re both like devils I guess.”

            “So… you have two devils on your shoulder?”

            “Yeah. Welcome to the Family Business.”

 

            Tony and Sam’s team were having the most success. Through trial and error they’d discovered a  good way of snatching up Thanos’s men for questioning without calling attention to themselves. Sam and Natasha would spot them from a distance, then one of them would act as bait and knock them out. Tony would profile them, Thor and Sam would drag them into an empty side street, then Lucifer questioned them while Crowley persuaded them to answer.

            “So you say you haven’t seen any suspicious activity around here?" Lucifer asked carelessly, "Anything you’ve seen that made you think… hmm… I don’t get paid enough for this?”

            Crowley had a gaunt-faced gentlemen pinned against a wall. Tony looked on from the shadows as the rest of the team stood guard at either end of the street, “They don’t pay us anymore anyway! What’s it to you!” He sputtered.

            “Mmm.” Lucifer hummed darkly, “See, we checked your bank account, you’re getting pay-outs from Galactic Enterprises, a company we know is run by Thanos. So… You do get paid. You’re a liar. And. You got paid last week, which means that Thanos cut you off three days ago. Haven’t heard from him since then, I see.”

            Tony finally understood how they ran a mob. In the distance, he heard Sam directing a suspicious group of people away from the street, so he gave Lucifer the cue to hurry it up.

            “Tell me, where does Thanos like to spend his much needed vacations? The Bahamas? Mexico? Your mom’s house? I hear Havana’s all the rage this time of year.”

            With Crowley’s generous help, Lucifer finally got it out of the man that Thanos normally hides out in Saint Cornelius Chapel on Governor’s Island just off of Manhattan.

            “See that? That wasn't so hard.” Crowley purred, “You’re a quick learner. Sort of.” He threw the man on the ground.

            “You know the drill. Don’t come after us or we’ll put you in the ground, burn your family, yada yada yada.” Lucifer said as the two of them left the street and disappeared from view.

 

            All of the gang members that Tony and Sam’s team caught said the same thing: Thanos hasn’t been giving them orders anymore. But unfortunately, none of them knew anything about Venom. There was one man they kept talking about, however; A man they’d seen searching for Thanos. He was a short man with a long coat who didn’t seem like he was affiliated with any gang. Sam thought he knew who they were talking about, but he didn’t say anything. Especially not when Lucifer kept quiet, too. But why would Gabriel not show up for the mission, then get involved anyway?

            Tony, Thor, and Natasha didn’t understand why Thanos had fallen off the map, either. Around nightfall, Tony got the call from Castiel and Drax. Then they got Bobby and Steve’s check in.

            “So no one has seen Thanos, and no one even knows Venom.” Natasha thought aloud.

            “And for some reason...” Sam said.

            “Stupid reason.” Crowley added.

            “Gabriel is looking for Thanos, too.” Lucifer finished.

            Tony and Thor exchanged looks.

            “Well, then I guess we search Governor’s Island.” Thor announced, “Tonight.”

            Everyone was in agreement, so Tony put out the call to the other teams.

 

            “Alright, guys.” Tony sighed, “All of our leads put us at Governor’s Island. It’s late enough that it should be shut down. Rendezvous at Battery Park in twenty minutes. We’re going after the bastard.”

 

           

           

* * *

 

 

           

            Gabriel, Eddie Brock, and Balthazar left the Jazzy Bodies strip club for the dimly lit streets of New Jersey. Eddie walked between them while Balthazar prepped him through gritted teeth. Gabriel led them to an empty park in the middle of a dingy part of town, pretending like he didn’t know where he was going.

            The three of them stopped abruptly as a figure walked out beneath a park lamp. He had sleek, black hair, and devilish grin. He looked like he was alone, but Gabriel noticed movement from the bushes to their left. He nodded subtly, and Balthazar and Eddie spotted it, too.

            “Gabriel.” The man called.

            “Loki.” He called back, stepping forward.

            The man called Loki strode up to them slowly, “You killed my children, Gabriel.”

            “Oh please. You’ll have five more by Easter. You slut.”

            Loki finally stepped close enough for Gabriel, Eddie, and Balthazar to see him clearly. He didn’t look mournful. Rather, he looked intrigued. He paused when he saw Eddie, “What are you doing with him? He belongs to Stark’s gang.”

            “Oh, we’re taking him on a little field trip.” Balthazar said smartly, “You know, take your lunatic new best friend to work day kind of thing.”

            Loki considered this, then turned his attentions back to Gabriel, “What exactly do you think a good father would do to the man who killed his children?”

            Gabriel pretended to think hard, “Oh, I don’t know. Rip him apart and use his guts as Christmas tinsel?” He said, “Except… you’re not that good of a father, are you?”

            Loki smiled, flashing his teeth, “I have my moments.”

            “Uh-huh.” Gabriel tilted his head, “And is this one of them?”

            Loki eyed Gabriel appraisingly, “Not quite. I have a proposition for you.”

            “We’re listening.” He said.

            “You know Thanos, don’t you?” Loki began, “Well, he owes me money. A lot of money. Stark’s Assembly or whatever their called doesn’t know about this. My brother’s in that gang and, well, you know how brothers are.”

            Gabriel huffed, “I sure do.”

            “Well. Help get my money.” Loki said plainly, “And I’ll give you a head start when we’re done.”

            Gabriel thought about it seriously this time.

            “Wouldn’t want to put your new best friend through that kind of trauma so soon, now would we?” Loki cooed.

            “What about your friends in the bushes there? Why can’t they help you?”

            “Oh, them? They know as well as I that, when it comes to this kind of thing, you’re simply… the best.” Loki said smoothly.

            Gabriel chuckled. He glanced at Eddie and Balthazar. They shared a silent look, then Gabriel turned back to Loki, “It’s a deal.”

            “Excellent.”

            “Nice name by the way.”

            “Thanks. You too.”

            Eddie leaned in to whisper to Balthazar, “Are they… flirting?”

            “You’ll get used to it.” He muttered back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

            The Avengers Assembly, the L.A. Guardians, and the Family Business met at a private dock in Battery Park. Tony had a series of boats arrive to take them to Governor’s Island in stealth.

            “Not afraid of boats, too, are you?” Tony goaded Dean.

            Dean faked a laugh. He and Star Lord had been taking turns playing music on Star Lord’s phone while they waited for the rest of the teams to show up. Star Lord turned off “Don't Fear the Reaper” and got up.

            Their teams rejoined to quickly brief each other on what happened. After a moment or two, Tony called them all together.

            “Alright everyone.” He said, “We’re sticking together this time. Thanos may not be on this island, but we have to assume to he is. So remember, stick together, and shoot to kill. We’ll split up as soon we get to the church so we can cover all the entrances. Make sure you have your watches on.”

            The boats dipped and bounced in the water as they all boarded, the waves lapping against the briny docks. Before Peter could get in, Tony stopped him.

            “Wilson?” He looked around for Wade, “Why don’t you call it a night and take Peter here home? I think we’ve got this covered.”

            “Can do, boss!” Wilson said, happy for any excuse to walk Peter home.

            Peter shoved Tony’s hand off, “No way! If Jack’s old enough to go then so am I!” He looked between the two of them.

            “Whatever you say, boss.” Wilson said to Peter.

            Tony sighed, “Alright, get in.”

            Once everyone was settled, the boats took off for Governor’s Island. It was a quiet ride. The boats’ engines were silent and they kept their lights off, letting the star speckled sky guide them.

            Rocket was in the Family Business’s boat so that Jack could take a look at his leg. Jack tried to contain his excitement as he asked all the routine questions.

            “Full name, please?” Jack cleared his throat.

            “Rocky Rocket none-of-your-damn-business.”

            Bobby chuckled.

            “Uh-huh.” Jack cleared his throat again, “And have you ever been shot in the leg before?”

            “God help me.” Rocket sighed.

 

            It only took a few minutes to get to Governor’s Island. It was a clear night with no moon, which gave them good cover. They bumped silently into the docks and got out in groups.

            They moved like a small army, covering ground in three separate units but communicating as one. Governor’s Island was big enough to get lost on, so the New York City natives led the way. The island was closed, so they didn’t have to worry about running into tourists. Still, they stayed clear of the houses and followed the coast, moving from shadow to shadow until they got to a main road that lead to the church. From there they split up into their teams.

 

            Saint Cornelius Chapel was an old, stone building that look like a small castle. Despite the island being closed, there was a light on in the church.

            “This is it everyone.” Tony led the teams via their watches to each entrance, “On my mark...” He whispered, “Three… two...”

            “One!” Lucifer said. 

            Doors were kicked open on all sides. Each team came bursting into the church, Wade with a mighty “Yee-haw!”, and together they surrounded the grand pulpit from which preachers deliver their sermons. Tonight, there was no preacher. Instead, lounging across the stage was none other than...

            “Thanos!” Thor roared.

            "Wait, who's that?" Gamora stopped.

            “W... what?” Sam stopped, too.

            Everyone froze.

            On one side of the church, the L.A. Guardians, Castiel and Dean were posed to fight. This time, Rocket was on Castiel’s shoulders. On the other side were the Avengers Assembly, Peter, Jack, and Wade Wilson. In the middle, Tony, Lucifer, and the rest; Guns blazing, electric blackjacks swinging, Gamora with her swords and Bruce with his brass knuckles.

            Spread out on the church stage was a very different picture. Thanos was sprawled out on exotic looking poufs, smoking what seemed to be a colossal golden hookah and sharing a cheese fondue with...

            “Chuck Shurley...” Tony breathed.

            There was a long, tense silence in which Chuck and Thanos stared blankly at the small army.

            Finally, a voice spoke.

            “Hi grandpa.” Jack said pleasantly.

            “Oh, that guy’s your grandpa?” Peter asked.

            The conversation provoked stammering from Chuck and war shouts from the group.

            “Wait! Wait!” Sam jumped in between them, “Just. Wait!” He shouted.

            Tony kept his gun pointed at Thanos, but he moved to Sam’s side.

            “What in the _hell_ is going on here?” Tony demanded to many murmurs of consent.

            “I can explain everything.” Chuck slowly got to his feet.

            Thanos didn’t look bothered at all. He cracked his knuckles, each finger adored with gaudy, gold banded rings that gleamed like the stained glass windows.

            “Everyone just… calm down.” Chuck said nervously.

            “Why are you here, with _Thanos_?” Steve shouted.

            “Are you negotiating terms for an alliance? Behind our backs?” Demanded Gamora.

            “No. Guys!” Chuck pleaded.

            “They’re leaving their gangs and making a new one to crush us all.” Drax said.

            “They’re obviously conspiring something.” Castiel said.

            “They’re secret gay lovers!”

            Everyone, including Dean, turned to stare at Star Lord.

            “No? Okay I’ll just… sit down.”

            “Or maybe...” Lucifer stalked up to Chuck, causing a cold silence to ripple through the church, “They’re testing us. They seeing if we can put aside our differences and work together. If we can find it in ourselves to forgive and forget, to forge new alliances and friendships...” He shook his head slowly, “And I find that… just, _appalling_.” He sneered.

            There was a resounding, “Yeah!” and several shouts of “Here, here!” from the army.

            Chuck dropped his arms to his side anticlimactically, “No really, guys…” Chuck said quietly, “We were just drinking a few beers and smoking some shisha and...” Slowly, the crowd quieted to catch the end of Chuck’s increasingly apprehensive explanation, “...we lost track of time.”

            Another long, drowning silence.

            Chuck swallowed audibly.

            CRASH! BANG!

            The stained glass window overlooking both parties shattered inwards, showering everyone with colorful, shimmering glass shards. Everyone ducked. Tony pulled Sam down. Chuck covered Lucifer. Peter and Jack, who were well out of harm's way, nevertheless found themselves sheltered in Wade’s arms. They both sighed.

            “Thanos!” A voice struck the night air like lightening, “You stand accused of outstanding debt owed to me, Loki!” Loki had landed like a cat in the center of the church, followed by the oddest group of mercenaries and thugs from two continents.

            Gabriel.

            Balthazar.

            Venom.

            They each looked wild and ready to kill.

            “Prince of…!” Loki went on, but he suddenly stopped, looking around at the scene.

            Every eye was on them, and most were looking dumb-founded.

            “Eddie?” Tony squinted.

            “Uh… Hey guys.”

            “Loki!” Thor roared.

            Loki put his head in his hand.

            “Gabriel!”

            “Hiya, Sammy.” Gabriel grinned.

            “Balthazar!” He shouted his own name, “Just… thought I’d pitch in.” He looked around casually.

            “Oh hey, guys!” Chuck beamed at them. He walked past the stammering crowd and right up to Loki.

            Loki looked as if he’d never been more bewildered and offended.

            Chuck barely reached Loki’s shoulders.“Here. Thanos and I talked it over and we decided it’s cool if you have this.” He handed Loki an envelope. It was filled with unmarked bills.

            Loki’s eyes narrowed, “Thank you.” He glanced at Thanos.

            “Oh and Eddie, you’re here. That’s great! I heard you were missing.” Chuck smiled, “See?” He looked back at the mutinous army. Half of them still looked ready to fight, “So, no need for any bloodshed, right? We can all be friends?” He nodded about six times, “Does… anyone want hookah? It’s melon...”

            There came another horrible silence. Until, finally, a voice spoke up.

            “Yeah alright.” Crowley shrugged. He put his magnum away and stepped up onto the stage to join Thanos.

 

            If someone had told Tony yesterday that he’d find himself in the situation he was in today, he would have shot them in the face, no questions asked. Now, he looked around the room to see all of his friends, enemies, family, and a couple people he’d never met before, hanging out as if they were brothers. And sisters. And… raccoons.

            And plants.

            “And then I told him he could bugger off unless he wants a Mars bar up his arse.” Balthazar said animatedly to Bobby and Rocket, who both laughed. “Hello darling.” Balthazar said to Natasha.

            Tony could have sworn Natasha stopped to talk to him.

            Castiel and Dr. Strange were listening intently to Groot, while Drax was having an arm wrestling contest with Steve _and_ Bruce. Meanwhile, Sam and Dean were hanging out with Star Lord and Gamora, swapping battle stories and laughing.

            On the stage, Crowley was smoking with Thanos, Loki, and Gabriel. Loki kept shooing Thor away so he could talk to Gabriel. It looked like he was giving Gabriel a very big start. Thanos and Crowley were talking about torture methods. Tony thought he caught Crowley slipping Thanos his number as they passed the hose. Lucifer was watching the scene with Wade, talking about Jack, guns, and something called the fourth wall. Tony wasn’t sure what that meant.

            Jack and Peter were chatting with Chuck beside the stage, soaking in everything he had to say, even though Chuck wasn’t really saying much at all. Tony laughed to himself. Maybe the Family Business was better off without him. Who really knew?

            Wade tried ordering a pizza, but when the pizza place said they couldn’t deliver to an island, Wade disappeared for a while and returned soaking wet, with an enormous stack of dry, hot pizzas. Peter smiled at him and Wade took off his mask to share a slice. Even Eddie joined them.

            It was nearly dawn before Thanos approached Tony. He held his hand and said, “Truce?”

            Tony lowered his glasses to look at him. He smiled, “Truce. For now.”

            Thanos gave a low grumble of a laugh, “For now. Very good.”

 

            Once dawn broke, Tony called the boats to take everyone back to Manhattan. Chuck said he’d visit the Family Business, and maybe even bring his sister to see the city, then he and Thanos disappeared, along with Loki soon after. Balthazar went to rejoin Ketch while the rest headed back to Stark Tower.

            The jet arrived to take the L.A. Guardians and the Family Business back to their respective cities. To Castiel and Sam’s astonishment, Dean willingly boarded this time, sneaking sips from a shiny new flask with the Stark company logo on it. Tony looked away, pretending not to notice.

            “So uh, Peter Quill. Is he your new boyfriend or...” Sam asked Dean under his breath.

            “Yeah.” Dean huffed, closing his eyes as the jet began to move, “What about you and Tony?”

            “What about us?”

            “I saw him try to save your life back in that church.”

            Sam huffed this time.

            “I am Groot.” Groot waved at them.

            “I am Groot.” Sam and Dean said back in unison.

 

            The jet stopped in Chicago first and the Family Business said good-bye to their new friends. They got off and walked back to the Family Business building, this time with Gabriel. They all stepped through the glass double doors and into the small reception area.

            Metatron didn’t look up from his typewriter, “Well? Did you save the world?”

            “You betcha.” Gabriel grinned.

            “Well done.” Metatron sighed, “You got a package while you were out. Just this morning, actually.”

            Sam and Lucifer stopped to look at the package on the floor by Metatron’s desk. It was a huge, gourmet fruit basket with fruit shaped like members of the Avengers Assembly. Sam and Lucifer both scowled.

            “Damnit, Stark. Now we have to get them something.” Sam said.

            “That bastard!” Lucifer agreed, “He’s back on my hit list.”

            Sam picked up the basket in resignation and headed to elevator with the rest of the group. As Dean walked by, he plucked a pineapple on a stick from Sam’s arms. It looked just like the elderly receptionist that chased Wade Wilson into the prep room not twenty four hours ago.

            “Thanks, Mr. Lee.” Dean said, taking a bite of pineapple, "You're _my_ hero.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Have a lovely, SuperMarvel holiday!


End file.
